Fact: Were it not for music, 23% of all break-ups would end in murder or suicide.

(Okay.  That’s not a fact at all.  But we all know that 72% of all statistics are make-believe, so just go with it.)

The point I’m trying to make is that music helps.  It must.  While falling in love is the most popular theme found in music, falling out of it is probably the second most common.  Most of the cliches about music are true.  It does, in fact, soothe the soul.  And the soul does need soothing to get through the break up process.

And yes, getting over someone is a process.  There’s been much study about the grieving and mourning process when suffering the death of a loved one.  Most experts agree that there are at least 5 distinct “Stages of Grief” people go through when confronting the loss of someone dear.

While it’s not exactly the same thing, there is evidence that we mourn the ending of a relationship  in much the same way.  Hell, in some ways it can be worse.  When someone you love dies, you can find comfort in thoughts like, “At least he or she is in a better place now.”  But when someone you love dumps you, it’s not comforting in the least to imagine him or her in a better place…like someone else’s bedroom.

This all got me thinking…I wonder if all of the stages of grief do actually apply to breaking up.  And in thinking about music, I recognized that all break-up songs are not created equal, rather they often reflect the different stages of the break up process.  So then, I wondered if one could use apply the 5 stages to break up tunes in a rating system of sorts.

And thus, The Felix Scale was born.

Here’s the deal.  As a regular feature on the blog portion of this site, I’ll be analyzing break-up songs, and giving them a rating based on where they fall on the five stages.  The score will be on a scale of 1-100.  A handy diagram has been included to illustrate.

Now, I have no idea if all songs will be able to be classified this way, but I’ve tried a few and it seems to work.  So, what the hell, we’ll give it a shot.  Call it a research project.

If you have any suggestions for killer break-up songs that should be thoroughly analyzed with the patented Felix scale, feel free to comment, or send an email to tylerjamescomics@gmail.com, keyword: Felix’s Playlist.

Today I’m kicking off Felix’s Playlist: The Ultimate Compendium of Break-up Songs, with three selections.

Everybody Knows by John Legend

Key Lyrics: ‘Cause everybody knows, that nobody really knows/ How to make it work, or how to ease the hurt

Felix Scale Rating: 56 (Bargaining)

Analysis: John Legend is one smooth dude.  He knows it too. (And has fun with it.  Check out his song from the Colbert Christmas Special if you missed it.  Funny stuff.)  But in this tune, even John seems to be baffled by getting dumped.  Just a silky smooth tune.  “Wish we gave it one more try,” is his line, even though it’s pretty clear he knows it’s not going to happen. 

Hate (I Really Don’t Like You) by Plain White T’s

Key Lyrics: You were everything I wanted/ You were everything a girl could be/ Then you left me brokenhearted/ Now you don’t mean a thing to me

Felix Scale Rating: 38 (Anger)

Analysis: This one was pretty easy to score.  The anger comes across right there in the title.  Too often romantic relationships deal in extremes of emotion, especially if there is not a solid base of a friendship prior to getting swept up in the romance.  It’s pretty amazing how someone can go from being the most important person in your life seemingly one moment to “not meaning a thing.”   

Better in Time by Leona Lewis

Key Lyric: Thought I couldn’t live without you/ It’s gonna hurt when it heals too/ It’ll all get better in time

Felix Scale Rating: 95 (Acceptance)

Analysis: First of all, I LOVE Leona Lewis. She is in my Top Five, no question. Exotic, sexy British accent, and a killer voice (always an X-factor for me) she is pretty freaking amazing. In fact, she’s the celebrity I modeled the character design for Faith after.  And in this song, Leona’s firmly in the last stage.  And she’s right.  Time does wonders.  Pretty much the only thing that does.

Nothing Better by The Postal Service

Key Lyrics: So just say how to make it right/ And I swear I’ll do my best to comply

Felix Scale Rating: 5 (Denial)

Analysis: This is by far the best example I’ve found of a song that epitomizes the denial phase.  In the beginning of the song, Ben Gibbard sings clearly, “I can’t accept that it’s over…” and proceeds to hold on to visions of a life together that any sane person would see just ain’t gonna happen.  And thus, Jenny Lewis chimes in with a well placed reality check.  And in probably the most poetic line in the song, she tells him, “Your heart won’t heal right if you keep tearing out the suchers.”  Yup, she got that right.

The Best I’ve Ever Had by Gary Allen

Key Lyrics: So you stole my world/ Now I’m just a phony/ Remembering the girl/ Leaves me down and lonely

Felix Scale Rating: 82 (Acceptance)

Analysis: This one was a tough one.  It’s such a sad song, but I still think it’s just verging outside of the depression territory toward acceptance.  Allen sings, “I might find in time that you were always right,” conceding that perhaps the break up was ultimately for the best.  And he also recognizes that in time he’s going to okay.  But damn if he’s not going to miss her.  Love CAN be so boring.  You know what else is boring?  Contentment.

Black by Pearl Jam

Key Lyrics: I know some day you’ll have a beautiful life/ I know you’ll be a sun/ In somebody else’s sky/ But why/ why/ Why can’t it be/ Why can’t it be mine

Felix Scale Rating: 76 (Depression)

Analysis: This is my favorite Pearl Jam song.  A song titled “Black” obviously fits in the depression phase.  “All the love gone bad, turned my world to black.”  Yeah, that sounds like depression to me.  And coming from the tortured vocals of Mr. Eddie Vedder, well, if you’re determined to wallow in it for a while, I don’t think you can find a finer choice of song in which to stew.

The Felix Scale Explained

Felix’s Playlist #1

Congratulations by Blue October

Key Lyrics: And I can’t change this/ I can never take it back again/ But now I can’t change your mind/ You left me

Felix Rating: 87 (Acceptance)

Analysis: This song…get the hankies out kids.  It’s a tough one.  When you listen to some songs after a breakup, they take you back.  This one though, takes you forward.  When Justin Furstenfeld sings “I came to see the light of my best friend, you seemed as happy as you’d ever been.  My chance at being open was broken and now you’re Mrs. Him,” you can practically picture him crashing his ex’s wedding.  Her in a wedding dress, happy as can be, him in a suit doing all he can to hold it together, still in love.  What’d I tell you?  Heartbreaking, heartbreaking stuff.  But you can still love someone and accept that it’s over.  He gets that, and therefore I think this song falls in the acceptance category.

Also worth checking out, a video of this song mapped to Pam and Jim’s relationship on “The Office.”  Great show, and one of the best written relationships on TV in the past decade.

Right Now (Na, Na, Na) by Akon

Key Lyric: Why can’t it be the way it was?/ ‘Cause you were my homie, lover and friend

Felix Scale Rating: 51 (Bargaining)

Analysis: This song is kind of like a unicorn.  It’s an Akon song NOT about a stripper.  (I didn’t know they existed, did you?)  Well, I suppose the girl he’s trying to get back could be a stripper, but usually he mention something like that.  Anyway, an infectious, catchy, and yet completely forgettable tune.

Driving Away by Adam Day

Key Lyric: It can get quiet here/ This world can get me down/ Ever since you slipped away without a sound/ And I miss your laugh/ And I miss your smile/ I just want to hold you for a while.

Felix Scale Rating: 11 (Denial)

Analysis: This song is classic denial.  On the one hand, when Adam sings, “I know it’s hard without you here.  I’ll be better at missing you next year,” it’s clear a part of him recognizes she’s not coming back.  But you can tell from the song, he hasn’t quite convinced himself.  She might change her mind, right?  Wrong.  “You think it’s so much better now that we’re apart, ever since you got away with a piece of my heart,” he sings.  And in another sharp line, he belts  “I’d kill for the pain of what you left behind.”  Yeah, this guys got a long ways to go.  But chin up.  He will be better at missing her next year.

Give it a listen HERE.

Without You by Hinder

Key Lyrics: I didn’t want to believe it then/ But it all worked out in the end/ When I watched you walk away well I never thought I’d say/ I’m fine without you

Felix Rating: 97 (Acceptance)

Analysis: Hinder is one of those bands that will put out an album that is equal parts raunchy party anthems and radio friendly rock ballads.  This is one of the rock ballads.  The song does capture that moment where there’s no going back.  “Cause something’ s changed, you’ve been acting so strange, and it’s taking its toll on me.”  The only problem I have with this song is that it’s probably a hell of a lot easier to “Live it up a little more every day” when you’re a rock start, rather than some average Joe dealing with a broken heart.  But maybe post-breakup is a good time to channel you’re inner rockstar for a bit.

Wait For You by Eliot Yamin

Key Lyrics: If you give me a chance I can love you right/ But you’re telling me it won’t be enough

Felix Rating: 3 (Denial)

Analysis: She’s not coming back, Eliot.  Buck up kid.  It’s not “her pride” that makes her “run and hide.”  It could be your grill though.  (That’s mean.  I’m sure his teeth were the first thing he got fixed with his advance.)  But seriously, read the signs.  She’s not calling.  She can’t look at you.  She’s not crazy, dude.  She’s just not that into you.  And sure, you could spend the rest of your life waiting for her to change her mind (which isn’t going to happen) but really, is she worth it?

Fallen by Sarah McLachlan

Key Lyrics: Time always reveals/ The wound that would not heal/ It’s the bitter taste of losing everything/ That I have held so dear.

Felix Rating: 72 (Depression)

Analysis: Sarah McLachlan does melancholy as good as anyone.  Even her “happy” love songs are tinged with a knowing sadness, tailor made for Nicholas Sparks movies.  While I don’t think this is specifically a break-up song, if you’re in the midst of one when you hear it, you’ll assume it is.  Though saying so would have the existence of my balls called into question…damn, that “Mirrorball” was a hell of an album.

Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac

Key Lyrics: If I could/ Maybe I’d give you my world/ How can I / When you won’t take it from me?

Felix Rating: 94 (Acceptance)

Analysis: Upbeat break up songs are a lot of fun.  And even though unrequited love sucks plain and simple, it’s a part of life, and doesn’t last forever.  Right?  Fleetwood?  Mac?

Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It by Darius Rucker

Key Lyrics: Don’t think I don’t wonder ’bout/ Could’ve been, should’ve been all worked out

Felix Rating: 88 (Acceptance)

Analysis: Hootie front man Darius Rucker is a good country singer.  And in typical country fashion, here he sings about the girl he let get away. In all of our lives, there are going to be some decisions we’ll make that we’ll always wonder what would have happened if we’d gone another way.  “Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey,” we’ll replay those key moments over in our heads and do some second guessing.  The moral of the story…be a risk taker.  Most people at the end of their lives regret more the chances they never took than the ones they did.      

You Found Me by The Fray

Key Lyrics: Losing her, the only one who’s ever known/ Who I am, who I’m not, and who I want to be

Felix Rating: 64 (Depression)

Analysis: The Fray is another band that seems to have the market on melancholy cornered.   If what they say, “In the end, everyone ends up alone,” is true, it pretty much makes you wonder why we bother in the first place.  (The sex, probably.)  If we conclude that the depression phase is pretty much the rock bottom of licking your wounds after a breakup, this song’s gotta be there.  However, here The Fray direct their despair not toward the one that left, but rather toward God of all people.  (That’s when you know it’s bad.)  “Where were you, when everything was falling apart?”  It’s like the footprints in the sand poem set to music.

View the complete Felix’s Playlist.

Gives You Hell by The All-American Rejects

Key Lyrics: When you see my face/ Hope it gives you hell/ Hope it gives you hell

Felix Rating: 36 (Anger)

Analysis: There are a few songs that take this approach. It’s the dream right? You’ve had your heart broken by someone who gave up on the relationship, and then you go on to be a big whopping success. Bet they’re kicking themselves for leaving you, right? Bet it gives them hell to see your face on the cover of magazines, or at the Grammies in the All-American Rejects case. Or maybe your man leaves you and you go and drop 30 lbs, get a celebrity makeover and the next time he sees you he’ll think he was crazy to let you go. Wouldn’t that be awesome? Unfortunately, most of us are who we are, and we’re not going to have some earth shaking change to our lives that will drive our exes insane with regret for walking away. I will admit, it is a fun dream. But it means you still care what that other person thinks. “And if you find a man that’s worth a damn and treats you well/ Then he’s a fool, you’re just as well, hope it gives you hell.” Fact is, if you’re still wishing hell on an ex, you’ve still got a ways to go before you’re over him or her.

Release by Sister Hazel

Key Lyrics: How did we get to this?/ The absence of any bliss/ I didn’t know your heart/ Was out on a loan

Felix Rating: 84 (Acceptance)

Analysis: This is a song from the new Sister Hazel album, which, by the way, has several songs that could make the playlist, including “Take a Bow” and “Fade,” and was suggested for inclusion in the playlist by Over reader’s B. Nice and T. Money. This is almost a pre-breakup song. It describes the feelings you have when you’ve faced the facts that it’s just not going to work out. Yeah, there’s still love. Yeah, it’s gonna be hard. But no, it’s not a relationship worth saving. However, there’s always a good chance you’ll backslide into an earlier phase after the “silence between us” that “defends a broken heart” is actually spoken, and the break up is official. Luckily, Sister Hazel covers that phase as well. Check out their stuff. A highly under-rated band.

Over You by Daughtry

Key Lyrics: And when you slammed the front door shut/ A lot of others opened up/ So did my eyes so I could see/ That you never were the best for me

Felix Rating: 96 (Acceptance)

Analysis: Daughtry covers the whole range of emotions that come with getting your ass kicked from being dumped. Disbelief. Bafflement. Hurt. Cold. Used. All that stuff…and then he bitch slaps them all to the curb and says ef it, you know what, “I’m better off without you, more than you, more than you know.” And you know what? Chris has the pipes to make me believe him. The message in this song is a positive one, especially to those who’ve just broken up. Look, it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. But if you’re lucky, you’ll be singing Daughtry’s song as well, and find “the day I thought I’d never get through/I got over you.”

View the complete Felix’s Playlist.

Fuck It (I Don’t Want You Back by Eamon

Key Lyrics: Now it’s, over, but I do admit I’m sad/ It hurts real bad, I cant sweat that, cuz I loved a ho.

Felix Rating: 40 (Anger)

Analysis: I remember cracking up when I first heard this song. Something about the smooth melody, the artist’s high-pitched, sweet sounding voice just absolutely spitting venom. Pretty hilarious. Getting cheated on absolutely sucks. But I wonder sometimes if that doesn’t make it easier? I mean, it’s one thing when people split because they weren’t right for one another. But another if the catalyst for the break was someone stepping out. In such a case, you have something really tangible to rap your venom around. In a sense you get to skip right past the denial phase and lock and load right into anger. Does that make getting over someone easier? Not sure. But if it inspires lyrics like “You played me/ You even gave him head,” well, it can’t be all bad.

Screaming Infidelities by Dashboard Confessional

Key Lyrics: As for now I’m gonna hear the saddest songs/ And sit alone and wonder, how you’re making out/ And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out.

Felix Rating: 64 (Depression)

Analysis: Okay, so Emo music, gets a bad rap. And as a grown ass man, I really can only suffer so much angsty teen. (I could barely get through the Twilight movie. Too many longing looks for no damn reason.) However, I will admit to liking Dashboard. I think it’s actually impressive (and a bit scary) how during their MTV unplugged session, the studio audience (consisting of a smattering of tweens and teens) sang along….To every. Single. Word. There are times during that live album where Chris Carrabba just stops singing and the audience carries the tune. (Halfway decently, I might add.) Anyway, this song, their first to blow up in the mainstream, does a hell of a job capturing a sense of loss and betrayal. When you absolutely positively need to wallow…Dashboard’s got you covered.

Over It by Katherine McPhee

Key Lyrics: Movin’ on and it’s my time/ You never were a friend of mine/ Hurt at first, a little bit/ But now I’m so over/ So over it.

Felix Rating: 86 (Acceptance)

Analysis: Katherine McPhee is another female singer I have a wee bit of a crush on. Not so much a break-up song, as it is a “Okay, this dude is just fucking with me and isn’t that into me and I’ve finally realized it” song. She’s got a good voice. I’ll allow it.

View the complete Felix’s Playlist.

“Broken hearts are a fickle thing, and complicated too.

I thought I believed in love, but I’ve never seen it through.

Oh, I didn’t marry the girl I loved.

I saw my world cave in, felt like  giving up.

But I’ll be laughing.

Oh, I’ll be laughing.

Oh, I’ll be laughing…again.”

- “My Broken Heart” by Noah and the Whale

When I launched Over this past June, I knew I wanted to include a Felix’s Playlist component covering all the songs- from the sappy to the sublime- that soothe a broken heart.  I didn’t expect to be covering an entire album however.  Well, The First Day of Spring by London-based Noah and the Whale is a break-up album.  And it’s damn good.  Over could have an unofficial soundtrack, boys and girls.

NPR recently did a review of the album and has made the entire album available to listen to for free.

From the NPR Review:

Noah and the Whale’s The First Days of Spring is the breakup album of the year — maybe even the album of the year — and it comes out Oct. 6. Which means that, as of this writing, you have exactly seven days to torpedo a personal relationship in such a way that these songs can nurse your psychic wounds. The First Days of Spring is more than just a concept album about emotional survival: It navigates a process and a journey to a specific destination.  (Read the rest of the article HERE.)

And the reviewer gets it right.  Much like my graphic novel attempts to capture the process of getting over a break up, the ups and for sure the downs, this album consistently hits notes that resonate with anyone who’s had their heart broken.  The music varies from somber and soul-crushing to undeniably uplifting and is pretty much therapy.  From the opening line of  “It’s the first day of spring, and my life is starting over again” to the closing line “I love with my heart and hold it in my hand, but you know my hearts not yours” the album grabs you and doesn’t let go.

Particular gems include:

• The opening song First Days of Spring sets the table for what’s to come.  This is a brutally honest album, and lines like, “For I do believe that everyone has one chance to fuck up their lives” really resonate.
• Our Window, the second track on the album captures perfectly that moment of realization prior to a breakup when you know what’s coming but don’t want to admit it-  “We both know its over, but we both are not ready/ and you’re talking like a stranger, so I don’t know what to do.”
  
• If ever there was a bargaining song, it’s I Have Nothing- “Come back to me my darling/ I’d do anything to be at your side/ I’d be anyone to be at your side.” Yeah, that’s about right.
• Stranger is a song about that first person you sleep with after losing a great love.  Reminds me a bit of the scene in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” when Jason Segel starts crying after having sex with a girl he picked up at a bar.  (Not even Felix goes there, thank God.)  And while they always say the best way to get over the last one is to find the next one, it’s true that means more than sex.  In fact, lying there, with a stranger in the place where she used to be, can be an awful reminder “Everything I love has gone away.”
• But it’s not all bleak.  In fact, both Love of an Orchestra and Blue Skies is one of the more uplifting tunes you’ll hear this year.  In the first song, they sing,  “I know I’ll never be lonely/ I’ve got songs in my blood/ I’m carrying all the love of an orchestra.” Sound familiar.  Music is to Noah and the Whale what comics were to Felix (and me, apparently.)  And in Blue Skies, they resolve that “This is the last song/ That I write/ While still in love with you…’Cause blue skies are calling.”

Alright, enough of me yapping.  Give it a listen yourself!

Here’s the song that kicks off the album, The First Days of Spring.

Listen to the ENTIRE ALBUM here.

It’s been a while since I’ve added to Felix’s Playlist. Partly it’s that I’ve been busy, and partly that I’ve still kind of been obsessed with the latest Noah and the Whale album. The title track, “The First Days of Spring” can be played pretty much on loop.

Give it a listen and let me know what you think. And if you dig it, there’s a link to the left that’ll let you pick up the MP3 or CD.