Felix slams two bottles of liquor on the counter with a wad of bills.

EXT. LIQUOR STORE – NIGHT

Felix opens one of the bottles and takes a swig right there in the street.

Jinx comes rolling down the sidewalk.

ON JINX’S SIGN
“Gooks didn’t take my third leg.
Dollar to touch it.”

JINX
Spare a dollar, bud- oh, never
mind.

Jinx covers up his jar and rolls past Felix.

FELIX
Hey!

Jinx stops, and Felix puts the second bottle in his lap. Felix
takes another pull of his own bottle and walks away.

JINX
Hey, Mr. Funnybooks! I don’t like
to drink alone no more. Don’t want
to wake up in a field with my arms
missing, too.

EXT. BEACH – NIGHT
Felix sits on the beach next to a burning fire. He takes a
heavy swig from a bottle, then passes it to Jinx, sitting next
to him. Jinx takes the bottle, while reading “Over.”

FELIX
What do you think?

JINX
Hmph. Got any “Archies?”

Felix laughs.

FELIX
It’s really fucking bad.

JINX
Ahh, the beginning was alright.
People always want happy endings.
Shit…Endings are never happy.
But beginnings…

Jinx takes a pull from the bottle and smiles.

JINX
The first time she smiles at ya.
That first kiss. First time she
buries her tongue in the crack of
your ass…

Felix looks at him, repulsed. Jinx tosses the novel back to Felix.

JINX
Beginnings are all I’ve ever been
good at.

Felix opens “Over” to the first page.

ON PAGE
An inked establishing shot of a convention center. A sign on the drawing reads, “NEW ENGLAND COMIC CON.”

ANIMATED FLASHBACK

INT. COMIC CON – BLAM! COMICS TABLE
Skate sketches at a table covered with “Fire of the Pendragon”
comics and prints.

ON SKETCH
A heroic shot of Batman, Superman, and the Green Lantern.

SKATE (OS)
All set. Looks just like you guys.

Skate smiles up at three thirty-something comic geeks in costume, a BALD SUPERMAN, FAT BATMAN and ACNE-RIDDEN GREEN LANTERN.

BALD SUPERMAN
Awesome!

FAT BATMAN
We’ll take three prints, too.

Fat Batman hands cash to Tony, who is next to Skate, manning the booth. Tony hands them three Pendragon prints.

TONY
Tell your local comic shop about
“Fire of the Pendragon.” We ship
bi-monthly.

When the geeks are out of earshot-

SKATE
The Justice League has seen better
days.

INT. COMIC CON – VENDORS SECTION

Felix walks down the comic book-filled aisle with Gwen. Both carry bags of comic books.

FELIX
Sorry Digby, but you don’t know
what you’re talking about. Gwen
Stacy was Peter Parker’s true love.

GWEN
Oh, pah-lese. Mary Jane, all the
way. She’s the total package.

FELIX
Stan the Man himself said MJ was
only created to provide Gwen a
little competition.

GWEN
But the readers liked the red-head.

FELIX
So? Gwen loved Peter for Peter, not
because he was Spider-man.

GWEN
Gwen never knew he was Spider-man!
How can you say she truly loved him
if she didn’t know his biggest
secret. MJ knew everything. And
she still married him.

FELIX
Yeah, the third time he proposed!
If Gwen was just some girl, and not
Spidey’s true love, they would have
brought her back by now. She’s
stayed dead. That means something
in comics.

GWEN
Felix, Gwen Stacy’s death was just
a vehicle to get Peter and MJ
together.

FELIX
Wrong! They killed Gwen off because
if they didn’t, she and Peter would
have lived happily ever after. And
happy doesn’t make for good
stories.

GWEN
“Face it, Tiger…You just hit the
jackpot.” Every comic fan knows
that MJ line. Can you name one
memorable Gwen Stacy line?

They reach the Blam! Comics table and find Skate sketching. Felix stammers.

GWEN
Rest my case.

FELIX
Skate, settle this. MJ or Gwen
Stacy?

SKATE
Neither. Black Cat. Love me a bad
girl.

FELIX
Where’s Tony?

SKATE
He went to go tell that Hollywood
guy, the executive producer on
Hancock, that he should be shot.
Hey, we’re running low on prints.

GWEN
I could drive back to the office
and-

FELIX
There’s a Copy-Hut across the
street. I’ll go.

Felix and Skate walk away from the bar, shots in hand.

SKATE
This place is jumpin’ tonight.
Let’s do this shot and talk to some
hotties for real.

FELIX
All right, let’s-

Skate throws back his shot. Felix drops his on the floor.

It shatters.

Faith and Blake enter the bar, to Felix’s horror.

FELIX
I gotta go.

SKATE
Aw, shit. No, Felix you don’t have
to-

FELIX
Don’t think she’s seen me yet.
Felix shuffles through the crowd toward the exit, but Blake
sees him.

BLAKE
(drunk)
Hey! Look, honey, it’s Felix.

Felix!

Felix stops, as the two walk over to him.

FAITH
Hello, Felix.

BLAKE
What’s up, bro? Good to see you
out.

Felix tries to push past them.

FELIX
I was just leaving.

BLAKE
No, stay! In fact, I want to buy
you a beer. Tried some of those
positions from your sex comic.
Good stuff, huh, babe?

Blake taps Faith on the ass. She shoots him an annoyed look.

EXT. BAR – NIGHT

Felix bursts out. A moment later, Faith exits after him.

FAITH
Felix! Wait!

Felix reluctantly stops.

FAITH
I’m sorry about Blake. He’s a
little insensitive when he’s been
drinking.

FELIX
What? No. He’s perfect. Just
like you wanted.

FAITH
Felix…

Felix starts to walk away, but quickly turns back around and confronts Faith.

FELIX
Why him? Why that asshole? What
is it, Faith? What is he giving
you that I couldn’t?

FAITH
I’m not going to do this.

FELIX
What is it? The money? The GQ
wardrobe? The perfect hair- I’m
answering my own stupid question-

FAITH
Felix, I’m sorry about your book.
You must have put a lot of work
into it and-

FELIX
It was shit and no one was going to
publish it. You saved me from the
rejection. How’s that for irony?

FAITH
Felix-

FELIX
What? What Faith? What could you
possibly have to say to me?

FAITH
Do you think it was easy for me? I
loved you, Felix! Leaving was hard
on me, too, but I tried to make it
as easy on you as I could.

FELIX
You obviously did a fabulous job.

FAITH
What more could I have done? I let
you keep the apartment, the
silverware, the TV, Stanley-

FELIX
His name is Stan Lee. Two names.

FAITH
I gave you the dog, Felix. I know
his name.

The two stand there, not looking at each other.

FAITH
Do you want to know why I left?
You really want to know? I was
BORED, Felix! I was bored.

Faith turns to Felix, who can’t look her in the eyes.

FAITH
It was as if you took all the
excitement and adventure and
romance you had to give, and put it
into your damn comic books. And
you didn’t have anything left for
me.

Felix finally turns to her.

FELIX
Why’d you come out here, Faith?

FAITH
Because I want you to be happy,
Felix. I’m happy now. I really
am. And I want that for you.

FELIX
Oh, you do? Guess what? I was
happy. With you I was happier than
I’ve ever been in my entire life.
You took that from me. You want to
give me back my happiness? You know
where to find me. Your name’s
still on the fucking mailbox.

Felix walks away. Faith watches him go.

The men sit at a table, a few beers in.

NELSON
Shit, Felix. You’re hardly the
first cat to lose his goddamn mind
over a broad.

Felix takes a drink. Rich and Skate agree.

SKATE
I had an ex dump me right before
Super Bowl Forty-Two. I’m sitting
in a bar full of strangers watching
the Pats lose to fucking Eli
Manning, and I just start bawling
my eyes out.

NELSON
You were a bitch.

SKATE
Fuck you.
(takes a drink)
I ended up gettin’ sympathy head
from a blond with a tongue ring, so
it worked out in the end.

RICH
I shaved my left leg after Mona
left.

NELSON
What?

RICH
I couldn’t sleep. We used to sleep
with our legs intertwined, and hers
were so soft and smooth, I thought-

NELSON
Oh, man, that is gay.

SKATE
Real gay, dude.

FELIX
I know bad. That’s bad.

INT. BAR – NEAR THE BAR

NATASHA and BIANCA, two attractive, prissy, twenty-somethings drink cosmos.

NATASHA
I’m done dating rich guys.

BIANCA
Girl, please.

NATASHA
Well, no more finance guys. Or
lawyers. It’s like they all think
they’re entitled to it.

BIANCA
Doctors, too.

NATASHA
Right. And I’m not talking, six
months in, we’re a little tipsy and
looking to spice things up. No,
it’s a second date, and I’m getting
the “Whoops, must of slipped, ha,
ha, ha” attempt.

BIANCA
A man wants to knock on my
backdoor, it’s going to cost him
jewelry. Before and after.

INT. BAR – TABLE

Skate pulls Felix over for a side chat.

SKATE
See, this is good right?

FELIX
I’m having fun.

SKATE
Knew you would. Look around, man.
There are some fine women in here
tonight.

Felix scans the room. Skate is right, hot chicks abound.

SKATE
Look at those two over there.

An attractive woman shakes her ass, dancing up on her girlfriend.

SKATE
Do you know the things I would do
to that ass? No, you have no idea.

FELIX
None.

SKATE
You and me, we’re gonna do a shot,
and then start talking to some hos.

FELIX
Skate-

SKATE
Fine, man, no pressure. We can ease
you back into the game.
(grins)
But if you’re not ready to spit
game, let’s at least go fuck with a
couple of ‘em.

Skate scans the room. He spots Natasha and Bianca at the bar.  They’re scoping the bar as well.

SKATE
Them two uptight, money grubbing
bitches by the bar. Come on.

Skate heads toward the women. Felix reluctantly follows.

INT. AT THE BAR – MOMENTS LATER

Skate confidently approaches the two women. Felix follows.

SKATE
How’re you gorgeous ladies doing
tonight? My name is Malcolm, this
is my pal Felix.

Felix gives a half-hearted wave. The ladies size them up.

SKATE
I’m an artist.

NATASHA
And what do you do?

FELIX
I- I am…

SKATE
He’s a hotshit published author.

Felix smiles. Natasha takes a bit more interest in him.

SKATE
Ladies, when I see beauty, I have
to capture it.

The women giggle as Skate pulls a sketch pad and pencil from his back pocket.

SKATE
I carry this with me wherever I go,
in case I stumble upon something…
breathtaking.

Skate smiles at the women, who are eating it up.

SKATE
Do you mind if I sketch you two?
It’ll only take a few seconds.

Skate flips through his sketch pad looking for a clean page.  The women see some of his work as he flips.

BIANCA
Natasha, he’s good!

NATASHA
Okay, go ahead.

The women smile as if for a picture and Skate sketches.

SKATE
Felix, I can’t have you watching
over my shoulder.

Felix moves from behind Skate and stands next to the ladies.

FELIX
He’s done some outstanding work for
me.

Natasha smiles at Felix, then returns to her canned pose.  Skate draws, incredibly focused.

FELIX
Just a few more seconds…
…almost got it…
…and done.

BIANCA
Let’s see!

Skate gives the women a shit-eating grin and turns the sketchpad around.

The smiles wipe completely off their faces. Felix is shocked and fights laughter.

ON SKETCHPAD
A drawing of two big, veiny penises, signed “Sk8.”

SKATE (OS)
Whatcha think?

The women grunt in disgust. Bianca slaps Skate. Natasha tosses the rest of her drink in Felix’s face.

NATASHA
Ughh! You’re all perverts!

FELIX
I didn’t-

The girls storm away. Skate calls after them-

SKATE
You don’t like it?

Skate starts laughing. Felix looks peeved.

FELIX
What was that?

SKATE
That…
(tosses Felix a napkin)
…was funny.

Felix and Skate walk away from the bar, shots in hand.

SKATE
This place is jumpin’ tonight.
Let’s do this shot and talk to some
hotties for real.

FELIX
Alright, let’s-
Skate throws back his shot. Felix drops his on the floor.
It shatters.

Faith and Blake enter the bar, to Felix’s horror.

FELIX
I gotta go.

SKATE
Aw, shit. No, Felix you don’t have
to-

FELIX
Don’t think she’s seen me yet.
Felix shuffles through the crowd toward the exit, but Blake
sees him.

BLAKE
(drunk)
Hey! Look, honey, it’s Felix.
Felix!

Felix stops, as the two walk over to him.

FAITH
Hello, Felix.

BLAKE
What’s up, bro? Good to see you
out.

Felix tries to push past them.

FELIX
I was just leaving.

BLAKE
No, stay! In fact, I want to buy
you a beer. Tried some of those
positions from your sex comic.
Good stuff, huh, babe?

Blake taps Faith on the ass. She shoots him an annoyed look.

EXT. BAR – NIGHT

Felix bursts out. A moment later, Faith exits after him.

FAITH
Felix! Wait!

Felix reluctantly stops.

FAITH
I’m sorry about Blake. He’s a
little insensitive when he’s been
drinking.

FELIX
What? No. He’s perfect. Just
like you wanted.

FAITH
Felix…

Felix starts to walk away, but quickly turns back around and confronts Faith.

FELIX
Why him? Why that asshole? What
is it, Faith? What is he giving
you that I couldn’t?

FAITH
I’m not going to do this.

FELIX
What is it? The money? The GQ
wardrobe? The perfect hair- I’m
answering my own stupid question-

FAITH
Felix, I’m sorry about your book.
You must have put a lot of work
into it and-

FELIX
It was shit and no one was going to
publish it. You saved me from the
rejection. How’s that for irony?

FAITH
Felix-

FELIX
What? What Faith? What could you
possibly have to say to me?

FAITH
Do you think it was easy for me? I
loved you, Felix! Leaving was hard
on me, too, but I tried to make it
as easy on you as I could.

FELIX
You obviously did a fabulous job.

FAITH
What more could I have done? I let
you keep the apartment, the
silverware, the TV, Stanley-

FELIX
His name is Stan Lee. Two names.

FAITH
I gave you the dog, Felix. I know
his name.

The two stand there, not looking at each other.

FAITH
Do you want to know why I left?
You really want to know? I was
BORED, Felix! I was bored.

Faith turns to Felix, who can’t look her in the eyes.

FAITH
It was as if you took all the
excitement and adventure and
romance you had to give, and put it
into your damn comic books. And
you didn’t have anything left for
me.

Felix finally turns to her.

FELIX
Why’d you come out here, Faith?

FAITH
Because I want you to be happy,
Felix. I’m happy now. I really
am. And I want that for you.

FELIX
Oh, you do? Guess what? I was
happy. With you I was happier than
I’ve ever been in my entire life.
You took that from me. You want to
give me back my happiness? You know
where to find me. Your name’s
still on the fucking mailbox.

Felix walks away. Faith watches him go.

The men sit at a table, a few beers in.

NELSON
Shit, Felix. You’re hardly the
first cat to lose his goddamn mind
over a broad.

Felix takes a drink. Rich and Skate agree.

SKATE
I had an ex dump me right before
Super Bowl Forty-Two. I’m sitting
in a bar full of strangers watching
the Pats lose to fucking Eli
Manning, and I just start bawling
my eyes out.

NELSON
You were a bitch.

SKATE
Fuck you.
(takes a drink)
I ended up gettin’ sympathy head
from a blond with a tongue ring, so
it worked out in the end.

RICH
I shaved my left leg after Mona
left.

NELSON
What?

RICH
I couldn’t sleep. We used to sleep
with our legs intertwined, and hers
were so soft and smooth, I thought-

NELSON
Oh, man, that is gay.

SKATE
Real gay, dude.

FELIX
I know bad. That’s bad.

INT. BAR – NEAR THE BAR

NATASHA and BIANCA, two attractive, prissy, twenty-somethings drink cosmos.

NATASHA
I’m done dating rich guys.

BIANCA
Girl, please.

NATASHA
Well, no more finance guys. Or
lawyers. It’s like they all think
they’re entitled to it.

BIANCA
Doctors, too.

NATASHA
Right. And I’m not talking, six
months in, we’re a little tipsy and
looking to spice things up. No,
it’s a second date, and I’m getting
the “Whoops, must of slipped, ha,
ha, ha” attempt.

BIANCA
A man wants to knock on my
backdoor, it’s going to cost him
jewelry. Before and after.

INT. BAR – TABLE

Skate pulls Felix over for a side chat.

SKATE
See, this is good right?

FELIX
I’m having fun.

SKATE
Knew you would. Look around, man.
There are some fine women in here
tonight.

Felix scans the room. Skate is right, hot chicks abound.

SKATE
Look at those two over there.
An attractive woman shakes her ass, dancing up on her
girlfriend.

SKATE
Do you know the things I would do
to that ass? No, you have no idea.

FELIX
None.

SKATE
You and me, we’re gonna do a shot,
and then start talking to some hos.

FELIX
Skate-

SKATE
Fine, man, no pressure. We can ease
you back into the game.
(grins)
But if you’re not ready to spit
game, let’s at least go fuck with a
couple of ‘em.

Skate scans the room. He spots Natasha and Bianca at the bar. They’re scoping the bar as well.

SKATE
Them two uptight, money grubbing
bitches by the bar. Come on.

Skate heads toward the women. Felix reluctantly follows.

INT. AT THE BAR – MOMENTS LATER
Skate confidently approaches the two women. Felix follows.

SKATE
How’re you gorgeous ladies doing
tonight? My name is Malcolm, this
is my pal Felix.

Felix gives a half-hearted wave. The ladies size them up.

SKATE
I’m an artist.

NATASHA
And what do you do?

FELIX
I- I am…

SKATE
He’s a hotshit published author.

Felix smiles. Natasha takes a bit more interest in him.

SKATE
Ladies, when I see beauty, I have
to capture it.

The women giggle as Skate pulls a sketch pad and pencil from his back pocket.

SKATE
I carry this with me wherever I go,
in case I stumble upon something…
breathtaking.

Skate smiles at the women, who are eating it up.

SKATE
Do you mind if I sketch you two?
It’ll only take a few seconds.

Skate flips through his sketch pad looking for a clean page.
The women see some of his work as he flips.

BIANCA
Natasha, he’s good!

NATASHA
Okay, go ahead.

The women smile as if for a picture and Skate sketches.

SKATE
Felix, I can’t have you watching
over my shoulder.

Felix moves from behind Skate and stands next to the ladies.

FELIX
He’s done some outstanding work for
me.

Natasha smiles at Felix, then returns to her canned pose.
Skate draws, incredibly focused.

FELIX
Just a few more seconds…
…almost got it…
…and done.

BIANCA
Let’s see!

Skate gives the women a shit-eating grin and turns the sketchpad around.  The smiles wipe completely off their faces. Felix is shocked and fights laughter.

ON SKETCHPAD
A drawing of two big, veiny penises, signed “Sk8.”

SKATE (OS)
Whatcha think?

The women grunt in disgust. Bianca slaps Skate. Natasha tosses the rest of her drink in Felix’s face.

NATASHA
Ughh! You’re all perverts!

FELIX
I didn’t-

The girls storm away. Skate calls after them-

SKATE
You don’t like it?

Skate starts laughing. Felix looks peeved.

FELIX
What was that?

SKATE
That…
(tosses Felix a napkin)
…was funny.

Felix looks gloomily at the pages of the scene we just saw.

Gwen looks at him compassionately.

FELIX
I tried to fix all the little
things…What else could I have
done?

GWEN
Nothing, Felix! Nothing. I mean,
if you had- if any guy had done
half that stuff for me, they’d have
to file a restraining order to keep
me away.

FELIX
But, if I had just-

GWEN
She wasn’t the one for you. And
you weren’t the one for her. And
there’s nothing either of you could
do about it.

A long silence.

FELIX
Thanks, Gwen. Tell Tony
I’ll…never mind. But thanks.

GWEN
Any time, Felix.

INT. FELIX’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Felix channel surfs, his graphic novel pages on his lap. Stan Lee is asleep on the floor.  Felix turns off the TV, tosses the novel aside, picks up his phone and dials.

FELIX
What time did you say you were
going to the Whale?

EXT. BAR – NIGHT

A group of pretty women enter the joint.

INT. BAR – NIGHT

Skate is talking to his brother NELSON, a good-looking, well-dressed black man, 29, and RICH, a short white guy, 26.  They’re at the bar.

SKATE
I can’t believe she fell asleep!

RICH
It’s humiliating. I never know
what I’m doing down there.

SKATE
Man, just do what I do.

RICH
Which is?

SKATE
The alphabet. Simple but
effective.

RICH
What do you mean the alphabet?

SKATE
You run through the letters from Ato-
Z while you’re down there.

RICH
Wouldn’t she laugh?

NELSON
Why would she laugh?

RICH
If I was a chick and a dude was
between my legs humming
“A-B-C-D-E-F-G,” I’d think it was
pretty damn funny.

NELSON
Rich, are serious right now?

SKATE
No, buddy, you’re not singing the
ABC song to her snatch. You’re
just tracing out the letters with
your tongue.

RICH
Capitals or lower case?

SKATE
Lower case. And make sure you
cross those t’s and dot those i’s,
boy.

RICH
Is your brother fucking with me,
Nelson?

NELSON
Wrong man to ask. I don’t eat.

SKATE
Come on.

NELSON
And I’m upfront about it, too. I
tell my girl, if that’s something
she needs, then I have no problem
with her having a girlfriend on the
side. In fact, I wholeheartedly
endorse it.

SKATE
You’re full of shit.

RICH
What font should I use?

SKATE
Times New Roman. Bold. Italics.

INT. BAR – ENTRANCE – MOMENTS LATER

Felix enters the bar hesitantly. Before he can turn around and
leave, Skate waves him over.

SKATE
There’s my boy. Yo, Felix!

Felix joins the group.

SKATE
Hey, y’all, this Felix. Felix, my
brother Nelson, his buddy Rich.

FELIX
Hey.

Skate hands Felix a beer.

FELIX
Thanks.
(takes a sip)
What’re you guys talking about?

RICH
Fonts.

Gwen holds on to a happy Stan Lee’s leash as she and Felix walk the dog through the neighborhood on a gorgeous night.

FELIX
You said you read my graphic novel?

GWEN
Of course. I loved it.

FELIX
(skeptical)
Come on, Gwen.

GWEN
Well, it was a little long. And
depressing. And you were way too
hard on yourself. And there was no
reason you should have mentioned
the size of your-

FELIX
I know, I know. Look, I just want
to know, in your opinion, what was
the best part?

GWEN
The best part? Hmmm…

FELIX
I could go back to the house and
get it if you-

GWEN
I printed myself a copy. Can you-

Gwen hands the leash to Felix. She pulls her copy out of her bag.

GWEN
You know what part was sweet? Where
you tried to change for her.

FELIX
After the first break-up or the
second?

GWEN
The second, I think. Right here.

Gwen flips through the pages and hands the book to Felix.

ON PAGE
An inked drawing of goateed Felix looking at himself in a
full-length mirror, cartoon Stan Lee beside him. A word
balloon on the page.

WORD BALLOON:
“You can be better.”

ANIMATED FLASHBACK

INT. FELIX’S APARTMENT – BATHROOM
Felix looks at himself in the mirror. Stan Lee watches.

FELIX
You can be perfect for her. You
know exactly the kind of man she
wants. Be that man.
(looks at Stan Lee)
What?

MONTAGE OF FELIX THE “PERFECT” BOYFRIEND

INT. FELIX’S APARTMENT

Faith enters the room with a basket of laundry. Felix swoops in, grabs the laundry basket from her and kisses her on the cheek.

INT. BATHROOM
Felix scrubs the bathroom spotless. He exits, then quickly returns and puts the toilet seat down.

INT. CLOSET
Felix rifles through his clothes, tossing out old graphic tees, and painfully, an old SPIDER-MAN T-SHIRT. He changes his mind, folds up and hides the Spider-man shirt in a trunk
instead.

INT. FELIX’S OFFICE – MORNING
Faith pops her head in Felix’s office. Surprise! Felix is working at his computer, eating his Pops, dressed in a suit like a GQ model.

INT. APARTMENT
Felix picks up comic books left lying around in every room.

INT. THEATER
Felix and Faith watch a ballet. Faith loves it. Felix starts to nod off, then catches himself, and smiles at Faith.

INT. ANTIQUE STORE – DAY
Faith admires an antique bowl. Felix immediately buys it.

INT. CLOTHING STORE – DAY
Felix holds a huge pile of clothes. Faith exits the dressing room, smiling. She exchanges her huge pile of clothes with Felix’s and goes back in the dressing room.

INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
The check comes. Faith reaches for her wallet. Felix tosses down his card.

END MONTAGE

INT. FELIX’S APARTMENT – NIGHT – FLASHBACK
Felix places roses all around the apartment. He lights dozens of candles and dims the lights. He turns on the stereo. SOULFUL, ROMANTIC MUSIC plays.

FELIX
I can do romance.

KEYS RATTLE.

FAITH (OS)
Hello?

Faith enters the room, taking in the romantic scene. Felix lounges on the couch, sipping a glass of wine. He stands up and hands Faith a glass.

FELIX
Hi, baby.

FAITH
What’s all this?

FELIX
I thought we’d have a relaxing night in.

Faith looks skeptical. She sips her wine.

FAITH
Oh. Okay.

Felix puts down his glass and takes Faith’s away.

FELIX
Come to me.

Felix pulls her close. The music rises as they half slow dance in the center of the living room.

FELIX
I was thinking I could do something
special for you. How does a nice,
long, full-body massage sound?

FAITH
Okay.

INT. BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Faith saunters toward the bed. Felix follows.

FAITH
Where do you want me?

FELIX
First…

Felix slowly slips off Faith’s shirt.

FELIX
This needs to come off.

Felix carefully slips down her pants and helps her step out of them.

FELIX
And these definitely need to go.

Felix’s hands slide off her bra.

FELIX
And while we’re at it…

Felix walks Faith to the bed, her wearing only panties.

FELIX
Let’s get you comfortable.

Faith lays face down on the bed. Felix pours massage oil into his hands. The MUSIC is sultry and seductive. Felix calms his shaking hands, placing them on her shoulders. Felix’s hands massage her shoulders. Her back. Her ass. Her thighs. Her calves. Her feet.

FAITH
Mmmmmmm…..That feels so good.

Felix smiles.

FELIX
I should have been doing this every
week. Every night, even.

Faith lets out another soft moan of pleasure.

FELIX
Other side.

Faith rolls over, now laying face up on the bed, eyes closed.

Felix pours more oil. He massages her arms. Her clavicle.

Her breasts. Extra time on the breasts. Her waist. Her thighs. The MUSIC is overpoweringly seductive.

Lust in his eyes, Felix slides down her panties, then takes down his own underwear. The mood couldn’t be more right. Felix climbs on top of her. But before they merge-

Faith suddenly pushes her forearm into his chest, keeping him at bay. The MUSIC stops. She turns her head away from him. Felix is initially confused. Then he lowers his head.

FELIX
Okay.

Felix rolls over. They lay next to each other, not touching.

FELIX
You’re not in the mood.
(sighs)
Good night, Faith.

Her back to Felix, Faith sobs quietly.

FAITH
Good night.

END ANIMATED FLASHBACK / BACK TO PRESENT

INT. SKATE’S APARTMENT
Felix puts down the copy of the graphic novel.

SKATE
You wore your heart on your sleeve,
man. No shame in that.

Skate puts a hand on Felix’s shoulder.

SKATE
But whatcha gonna do, Felix? She
wasn’t feeling it. You had to know
that.

Felix is silent.

SKATE
Come on, man. You finished your
book. It served its purpose. Time
to put it to bed.

FELIX
I know.

Felix stares blankly at the graphic novel.

Skate smiles.

SKATE
You need to come out with me
tonight. Time to get you back in
the game, pimp.

FELIX
I’m not ready for that, ISKATE
No. You are definitely ready. A
night at The Thirsty Whale is just
what you need. I’m meeting my
brother and his boy at ten. You
need to be there, too.

EXT. FELIX’S NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

Felix walks toward his apartment. He reaches his place, and is surprised to see GWEN knocking on his door.

FELIX
Gwen?

Gwen is startled. She regains her composure and smiles at
Felix. She’s holding a stack of letters and papers.

GWEN
I guess you really weren’t home.

FELIX
How long you been knocking?

Gwen steps aside as Felix puts his keys in the door.

GWEN
Not long. Twenty min-

FELIX
Tony send you? You can tell him
the script still isn’t done.

Felix enters the apartment. Stan Lee comes to greet him. Felix blows him off.

GWEN
Not exactly. I mean, he’s still
stressed about it. But I thought,
maybe you could use some
inspiration, and…

Stan Lee goes to Gwen instead. She smiles and bends down to pet him.

GWEN
…Aren’t you the cutest! What’s
his name?

FELIX
Stan Lee.

GWEN
Of course. Love it.

Stan Lee, happy, runs off into the other room.

FELIX
So, why did you-

GWEN
Right. Why am I here? Fan mail.
It’s been piling up at the office.

She hands him a stack of envelopes.

FELIX
Huh. Okay. Thanks.

Gwen hangs on to a few pieces of paper, hesitant to give them to Felix.

GWEN
And, I um- I wrote out some notes.
Just, they’re probably stupid, but
I figured I’d tell you what I’d
like to see happen in issue twelve.
You don’t have to-

Felix reaches out for the papers.

FELIX
I’ll take a look.

Stan Lee trots back into the room, his leash in his mouth.

Gwen smiles.

GWEN
Can I?

Skate talks on the phone while sitting at an art table. The tiny room is full of neatly organized shelves of comics, the walls covered in posters, half hip-hop, half comics.

SKATE
The Whale at eight. I’ll be there.

Skate hears a KNOCK at the door.

SKATE
No, I don’t need any money.
Someone’s at the door, bro. See
you tonight.

Skate puts down the phone and opens the door. It’s Felix holding Skate’s portfolio.

SKATE
Felix. What’s up, man?

Felix sulks into the room.

FELIX
I tried, Skate. I can’t write. I
don’t know if I can-

Skate gives Felix a big, awkward hug. Felix is uncomfortable.

SKATE
(holding Felix)
You must’ve been going through some
serious pain, man. I felt it,
Felix. I felt your pain.

FELIX
So…you liked it?

SKATE
Aw, hell no. Stopped reading
halfway through. The art wasn’t
bad, though.

Felix pulls away from Skate.

SKATE
You should do some variant covers
for Pendragon. The fan boys would
love that.

FELIX
There weren’t any scenes that stood
out?

Skate sees the look of despair in Felix’s eyes. He picks up the graphic novel and casually flips through it.

SKATE
Hmm…your chick was a hotty. I’d
feel like shit if I lost a piece
like that my own damn self.
Skate finds a particular page.

SKATE
You know what part I did like?
Right here. The part where you made
a case for working things out.

FELIX
Was this before the first break-up
or the second?

SKATE
There was a second break up? Dude.

FELIX
Let me see.

Skate hands Felix the graphic novel open to a specific page.

ON PAGE
An inked establishing shot of an elementary school at dismissal.

ANIMATED FLASHBACK

EXT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL – DAY

Faith hands a plastic bag of soiled clothes to a SOCCER MOM. ROBBIE, 5, stands next to the mom, wearing a winter coat and shorts.

FAITH
I’m sorry we only had shorts.

SOCCER MOM
No worries. I’ll send a spare pair
of jeans in with him tomorrow.

ROBBIE
Bye, Ms. Robbins.

Faith waves goodbye as they walk away.

FAITH
(to herself)
Hope I don’t have to wipe your ass
again tomorrow.

INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL – FAITH’S CLASSROOM

Faith enters. It’s a large, well-decorated kindergarten classroom. Faith picks up the eraser, about to erase the chalkboard, when she sees-

ON CHALKBOARD
“10 Reasons You Can’t Leave Me
1.) Stan Lee deserves two parents.
2.) My family loves you, yours tolerates me.
3.) You’ve turned me into a spooner.
4.) The sex. (Come on.)
5.) My addiction to your macaroni.
6.) The ring fund. (Five percent there!)
7.) The apartment will go to shit without you.
8.) So will I.
9.) I used to make you happy.
10.) I love you.”

Faith scans the list, then turns around.

Sitting Indian style on a rug in a corner of the room is Felix. He’s half-playing with a couple of action figures. Faith walks over to him.

FAITH
What are you doing here, Felix?

FELIX
Will you sit?

Faith sits on the rug next to him. He puts down the action figures.

FELIX
I’ve been thinking about everything you’ve been saying. How we’re not connecting like we used to.

FAITH
Yes.

FELIX
How it seems like the spark is gone.

FAITH
Uh-huh.

Felix struggles to find the next words.

FAITH
And?

FELIX
I Googled it.

FAITH
Googled what?

FELIX
Losing spark. Not connecting like
used to.
(hopeful)
And I found out that what we’re
going through is perfectly normal
in long term relationships. We’re
just in a rut.

Faith picks up a princess doll, and fidgets with it.

FAITH
What if it’s more than that? What
if-

FELIX
We’ve gotten too comfortable since
moving in together. You’ve walked
in on me on the can, and I’ve
bought your tampons. You’ve been
working hard at school, and I’ve
been killing myself with the comic.
There are your spark killers.

Faith stops playing with the doll and tosses it into the toy
box.

FELIX
We just need to try a little
harder. Focus on each other.

FAITH
But what if-

FELIX
We can work through this, baby! If
anyone can, we can. It might take a
little time and effort, but if you
still love me, if you still love
us…we’ve got to make it work.

Felix looks to her for a response. No emotion.

FELIX
Nothing?

FAITH
I think…I think I need time to
process.

FELIX
(disappointed)
Okay.

Faith sees Felix’s reaction and her face lightens. She grabs him by the shirt and pulls him toward her.

FAITH
Come here.

GWEN (OS)
Guess what day it is, Tony?

INT. TONY’S OFFICE
Gwen takes a seat with a huge stack of papers in hand. Tony sulks in his chair.

TONY
Uggh. Submissions.

GWEN
Come on, it won’t be that bad.
I’ve presorted them the way you
like.

TONY
Fine. Let’s get this over with.

GWEN
Okay, here are the definite nos. We
have…

Gwen tosses a small stack of papers on Tony’s desk, on top a drawing of a devil screwing an angel.

GWEN
…some demon porn…

Another stack, on top a drawing of a guy in a bunny suit railing a chick in a frog suit.

GWEN
…furry erotica…

Another stack, on top a drawing of scantily clad anime women screaming as large tentacles violate them.

GWEN
…tentacle rape.

TONY
Next.

GWEN
Let’s see, oh, sacrilegious pitches
were very popular this month…

Another stack, on top a drawing of a zombified Jesus.

GWEN
…zombie Jesus…

Another stack, on top a drawing of Jesus on the cross, mummified.

GWEN
…mummy Jesus…

Another stack, on top a drawing of Jesus, with bolts in his neck.

GWEN
…Franken-Christ.

TONY
Next!

GWEN
This one is actually a really great
pitch for a Batman vs. Captain
America arc.

TONY
Too bad we don’t publish either
character. Gwen, is there anything
in there worth looking at?

GWEN
Actually, yeah. This one. Sort of
a depression-era gangster story…
plus superheroes.

TONY
What’s it called?

GWEN
“Capes and Robbers.” And get this,
Eliot Ness- he’s murdered in the
first issue!

TONY
I’ll read it. The rest-

GWEN
Form letter rejections. Done.

Tony points to the remaining stack of mail in Gwen’s hands.

TONY
What’s all that?

GWEN
Pendragon fan mail for Felix.